My first full day in the Nut Hut.

It isn't easy being in here. I miss certain things like smoking. And my dogs. Family of course. I miss being able to use my mirror when I do my makeup. I miss my straightener. I miss freedom.
I know I need to be here. I know this is good for me. And I am going to take advantage of my time here.

One thing people don't realize is that depression is not uncommon. Only 1/3 of people suffering with it seek help. And nine times out of ten it doesn't go away. People stop taking their medications because they feel ok. I am here with a guy who has been here 5 times. Be has a thing called Seasonal Affective Disorder. His depression is linked to vitamin d intake from sunlight. One guy here slept for 2 years. I have connected with him the most and I intend on giving him my phone number when he or I leaves. He laughed today for the first time in years. We all laughed a lot today.
Another woman is catatonic. She arrived this morning. She came in and I thought she was high. She has a hard time following things. I like her a lot. Especially when she smiles, which I got her to do today. It makes me feel good.

How am I? Better. I'm opening up. I'm still not... There. I'm not focusing on the bad as much.

My suicidal fantasies have reduced. I still think about it. Not as often.

What am I? I don't know. But I do know from what I've gathered that it will never go away and I will struggle with it my whole life. I'm learning how to deal with it.

I urge you to get help if you are sad. Take your medication.

I am being taken off all 3 of my anti-depressants. They've mentioned lithium. I need to look into that because all i know about it is that it's a song by Nirvana.

It's bed time now. Perhaps I will post again from my iPod depending on my service.