I'm handling this well.

I'm doing a lot better than i thought. I thought losing Jared would be the end of the world, that everything would come crashing down...it did, for a moment.

Yeah, i love him. We had amazing times together. He was a good guy, he always made me feel like i'm the only girl in the world.

Then, sometimes he'd get mean. And usually it was whenever something happened and i was stressed. Like the death of Mia, my grandpa, hobo and sam. With mia he told me to get over it because i 'want to be sad' (a week after i died). With hobo and sam (two dogs he loved) he just said "Shit happens, the sooner you accept it the easier it will be". Who says that?

Some of my family liked him. Others...not so much. I should have listened. I was wrong. Any man who will call a girl a 'crazy bitch' or a 'stupid cunt' really isn't worth spending my precious time being sad about.

I'm sure he's already moved on. It sucks, but hey. He says he's happier now than he ever was because i wasn't holding him back. He was controling of me and never let me party, and if i did...he'd usually be such a dick that i cried. He says he's happy. Yeah, well i know what he does with his time with friends. That isn't happiness.

Now, before you think i am just going to sit her and bash him, i'll be honest. I saw only the good in him. After he left, that's when i saw the negative.

There was so much good, he was the only guy i ever enjoyed kissing. He made me feel butterflies when i looked into his eyes. He gave the best massages ever. and he was very accepting of me and who i am.

I'm not sure what i did to make him feel the way he does about me now. Honestly, i'm not sure i care.

My next boyfriend is going to love Metallica, Onions, Apple Juice, Bubble Baths and maaaaaybe if i'm lucky, he'll like Rise Against and MCR. I'm not picky or anything, but these are some of my favorite things which he hated.

Since we've been broken up, i've gotten help for my depression, i was diagnosed as Type 1 bipolar, and Borderline Personality disorder. I'm going through therapy, and i'm taking my medication. I've lost 12 pounds and gotten my hair cut. There's even more change to come.


Here's a picture of my new hair cut. I love it.




I had mom get rid of everything he's given me. Except for one thing... the lipstick. I'm keeping that around because i look good in it. It's a shame he'll never see me with it on.