We had a leaky pipe behind the toilet. It was small at first and then it just got worse and worse. We had a bucket there to catch it, i would empty it every few hours but to no avail. I woke up this morning and asked if it could be changed today. Little did i know that the whole damn pipe had to replaced. The water that leaked was clean, but i sprayed the floor with disinfectant any way.
Dad was coming up and down the stairs being all productive and what not so i decided that i should be too, i turned on some music and started to clean. He comes out and complains about my music choice, so i was nice and turned it down. Then he starts talking to me about setting up my kitchen and how i need to pack everything in the basement into boxes and sort them by category. He picks up random things and says "this goes in a tool box, this and this and this go in a tool box and this... i don't know what this is. This goes in a "What the fuck is this box"" I tried not to laugh.
I really did get a lot done, but i am almost never pleased with what i do so i don't really notice it. Julie got a lot done too for the little time she helped. I really appreciated her help.
Tomorrow i am going to my cousin Mike's house to make bread. That should be fun. I've only made bread once but that bread was amazing so i have high hopes for tomorrow. I have watched amber and mom make a lot of bread so i am pretty much a master baker.
I have decided i don't want to do therapy any more. I just don't like it. Now that i am reestablishing relationships with friends and making up with Mandy i really don't feel like i need to pay someone to be my friend for an hour to listen to the shit i am not even honest about. I just don't like it. I have given it a lot of thought. Therapy just does not work for me. I am forced to talk about things at a scheduled time. My emotions are anything but scheduled. No ones emotions are. Why should i have to wait to talk about it until Mondays at 12:30? Not going to happen. And when i get to therapy and i have all these things i have wanted to say i don't. Every time i get ready to go there i think "Yeah, i am really gonna let shit out this time. This is going to be a groundbreaking moment in my recovery. I am going to walk out feeling much much better. It's gonna be great" Nope, never is. I come out feeling worse than i did when i went in.
Honestly, i hated my last therapist. I once brought up how when i drink, which i don't do often any more, i sometimes lose my bananas and drink till i am passed out and blah blah blah. And she tells me i should go to AA with my dad. And i told her i don't want to. I don't feel comfortable with it. But every single time i was in there she would bring it up and tell me i should go to AA. It just really pissed me off because i am aware that there is a lot of addiction in my family. I know that, so i avoid those situations. I probably sound like every other alcoholic in denial. I'm sure.
I am going to continue to see Lia because i like her. I will only be seeing her for a couple months though. She is the one who comes to my house. I don't feel like she listens to me because she is obligated to. I feel she is really into what she is doing.
I have given this whole therapy thing a really good go and i would appreciate it if no one really said anything to try to deter me with the whole "Depression is better controlled with medication and therapy" stuff. It doesn't work for me. I gave it a try, time to find something new.
So yeah, there's that.
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