Susan Kara

Cliff's birthday is coming up this weekend so Lynette and i decided we would make a guitar shaped cake.

Well, after really thinking about it, it just didn't seem like a good idea. So we decided to make a two layer fondant cake. Simple, easy and fun.

Wrong. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

We went to the store, got all the stuff for the cake. Lynette went to a doctor's appointment and then we went over to my house to make the cake, it was a surprise for Cliff. It isn't any more.

It started out well, we got the cakes made and in the oven when i realized we forgot to buy Crisco. Lynette ran to the store to get some while i watched my new puppy and Ethan. That was a freakin' mess.

She gets back and i begin making the fondant. I mix it all together and begin to color it blue. We wanted to to be a nice bright blue, and it ended up an amazing blue color. We were going to write "Happy B-Day Cliff" on it in black icing. It'd look AWESOME.

My hands got covered in blue food coloring. It's still there. My hands are awfully blue.

We put the cakes in the freezer to set and i went back to kneeding the fondant. A very tiring process. It hurt my arms and i have very sore hands. It isn't easy, don't ever do it. EVER!!!!

The time came to take the cakes out of the freezer and take them out of the pans to layer them. Lynette takes the cake out of the pan while i am in the bathroom. I come out and the cake is out of the pan on the counter. On the counter. The counter. COUNTER. Not on a cookie sheet. On the counter. Meaning we have to lift it off the counter and onto a damn cooking sheet. I am so mad at this point i am literally biting my tongue so i don't yell. I tell her to grab a cookie sheet, so she grabs a cookie rack. I had to get 4 spatulas to put under each side of the cake so i could put it on the sheet. Too bad it was a rack and it made the cake fall apart. The cake fell apart in 8 different peices. 8. 8 freaking pieces. At this point i tell Lynette i'm about to hit he. She left the kitchen. Good thing she did.

I put it together and layered it. Then went back to coloring the fondant. Still all mad about it. I asked Lynette the date. She told me and i said "That date was almost written on your Tombstone as your date of death."

It was time to grease the counter and put the fondant on the cake. I flattened it, rolled it out and picked it up...it fell apart. So i tried it again, it fell apart. So i tried again....and again and again. I was so mad i threw the fondant on the cake and swore a lot. At this point i just didn't care any more. There was still hope though, because i could still write on it with black icing.

I brought the cake to the table and began to write on it with this little aerosol can thingy. I press the spout down and press it against the cake. The icing goes EVERYWHERE! I make Julie go get me a knife so i can take it off and start over. I do. I decided to write "Happy Fucking Birthday" because i was so mad.

I got the the F and the stupid can shot out a whole bunch of icing. So at this point i am at wits end. I just start spraying the freaking icing EVERYWHERE! And then...i hit it.

It tastes amazing.