It's not my fault you're a bitch.

I am nervous. Or manic. I don't know yet. But this is startling.

A girl here is mad at me because she over heard me call her a bitch. Well, she is. So I am avoiding her by staying in my room. Usually I would go annoy her to spark a fight. I don't think that's right.

I thought it was all in my head that she was always disagreeing with me in class or therapy. I ignored it. Then some other people said something about it to me and asked if I noticed. I was honest and truthful. I said yeah and she is a bitch.

I am the only one here with Borderline. So I'm saying one thing, about how I feel about something and she is like WELL, maybe you aren't depressed then. She isnt my doctor. We all suffer in different ways, and it sucks. All I said was that there was a very thin line between distraction and avoidance.

All they teach me here is to distract myself from my sad thoughts. I don't need that. Group and education class was completely USELESS to me. Talking to my nurses and the other patients is what helped me most.

I learned a lot here. Just not everything I needed to which is why I will be doing therapy for a long time. I'm ok with that. I don't wanna be the troll I used to be.

Oh my goodness, I love the White Stripes. Good band.

We talk about religion a lot. But I never talk about mine, because no one ever asked. The friends i've made here don't know my religion. Two of them are very religious. Very, very religious. A catholic and a Lutheran.

I didn't tell them mostly because they didn't ask, and because of the common thought about Satanics. They think we all drink blood, gang rape, sacrifice animals and do horrible nasty things. This isn't true about me at all.

I mean, God is cool and all. But Satan is the more liberal and accepting. He doesn't fuck with people and make them prove their devotion by always praying, sacrificing their sons or cutting off skin from men's penises. That's messed up.

I am a Satanist because of the view points. Stupidity and denial are the worst things you can do. If you don't take responsibility when you mess up you are worthless. If you keep fighting even though you know you are wrong you just should be smacked. And don't get me started on stupidity. I hate high school drop outs. Seriously.

Another veiw is that you treat every single living thing with respect, love and devotion. Until they decide to be a douche bag. Then you either a) move on, they're dirt. Or B) destroy them.

I choose a. Only I give more than one chance. Oops.

We believe that you should invite any one into your house, and if they disrespect you, throw them out. Works for me.

So, as I learn more and more about DBT, I will give you guys little lessons on it so you can learn what I am learning and possibly use it in your life.

I am glad I didn't tell them about my alter egos. Or I'd be here for life!

Everyone has an alter ego. Not everyone shows theirs. I show all of mine.

There is Ray-Ray, Eric, Laquafita, and Swiss Cheese Susan.

I will talk about them later. I just really enjoy being other people some days. Some people like to go fishing. I like to pretend I'm a gay man or a crack addict who whores his girlfriend. Her name always changes though, depending on how ghetto she is feeling.

I thought I was manic, but I think I am just nervous. Now I am tired. They said I may have small manias and deep short depressions till my lamictal kicks in.

I love being manic. I tilled an entire garden once with my bare hands and a spade. I took all the grass off and everything. Then, a few weeks later I tried running for mayor. And I read books so fast. I can type so fast. I just move so fast. It is the greatest feeling ever. I am going to miss being manic.