Privacy (or lack thereof)

I haven't updated lately.

The truth is, i'm not doing well. I've spent a lot of time in bed sleeping. I started writing more in my journal instead of on here. There isn't much to write about when you're not doing anything but laying in bed, it doesn't make for a good blog post.

The journal helps though. I can write about the things i think that i'm too afraid to tell people because they'll freak out more than it freaks me out. Unfortunately, my journal was read.

I was appologized to, yeah. Whatever. That doesn't fix it. That's my personal thoughts. That's how i'm dealing with things. If it wasn't for my journal from Grandma and Grandpa, and those amazing pens i'd be doing worse off than i am now.

Today i bought a safe. I don't want to stop writing. I want to be able to write without worrying about someone invading my privacy, if i have to worry about it then i won't write everything i need to.

I spent yesterday and most of sunday in my bed. I just didn't want to get out, i really didn't see a point.

Someone told the Nelson side of the family that the reason i came home from Amber's was because they couldn't handle how i acted. I'm not exactly who said it. But, i would like to just make it loud and clear that it isn't true at all. I came home 4 days early. 4 days. Not because i was going ape shit. Not because of my temper. But because Amber, who was kind enough to take me in, also needed time to figure her shit out. While i was there, she was focusing too much on me and not on her. That's why i left early, because Amber needed to focus on her, and not me. The best that i've been since i was a freshman in high school was when i was at amber and jasons.

I'm incredibly embarrassed. I've been so open about everything to avoid these things, people talking about me to avoid these situations.

I'm not crazy. I'm just sad.

Thank you, Amber, Julie, Jason, Cliff, Lynette, McNally, Mike, Josh (and his family), Lukkas, Nycole and Eli for understanding that i'm not crazy and being there. I love you all.