Killing people is rude.

I'm home from Milaca. It was a lot of fun, i met a lot of people. I ate way too much Pizza Hut.

Josh is finally moved out and is living with Lukaks. They put onions in the air vents at his old place because the neighbors were douche bags.

There was one occasion where the oldest guy with the wife and 4 kids was in the garage trying to start his lawn mower. Well, it wouldn't start. So he was trying to fix it by playing with the throttle thing. It was pretty obvious that the problem was the choke because of how it sounded. The doors were closed, the windows were closed, the ladder to the up stairs was up and the hatch closed. But the black exhaust poured up stairs. I had to open the door and windows with the fans blowing out because i didn't wanna freakin' die. I wanted to go down stairs and show him what the hell to do, but hearing the way he talked to his wife and daughter, i had a feeling that he didn't much like women or what they had to say.

Today Julie and i went out and applied for jobs. Well, she applied. I just went and spent $1.07 at a thrift store. I bought 2 games and a coffee mug with a rainbow and a unicorn. Julie applied at this place called The Lazy Moose. I hope she gets the job there...because it's called The Lazy Moose. THE LAZY MOOSE! How sweet is that?

I've started watching Documentaries again. I had sorta strayed away from them for a while, but i started watching them again because of Nick Broomfield. He his a little british guy that does documentaries with only 2 camera men and him holding the sound boom thingy. They're simple, they're awesome. The first one of his i watched was called Fetishes about an S&M Parlor in Manhattan. I thought fetishes of that sort were all about pain and all that stuff. I loved it, i've watched it at least 3 times since i discovered it last October. I sort of find the life of a Dominatrix to be alluring. I kind of like being in control in all aspects of my life, and to tell you the truth, i just wanna beat the shit outta people and get paid for it, but not for sexual reasons. I don't find that sexy at all. Most of the time, the men who enjoy being beaten up are powerful. Bank owners, politicians, skeezy little assholes: everything i hate.

Anyway.

I watched one of his documentaries about Aileen Wuornos today. She was a hooker who killed 7 men. She did it because she wanted their money and was mad at all these men because every fatherly figure in her life had screwed her over. She had a super hard life. Though that is no excuse to start killing people. That's just rude. Well, i listened to her views on life and i actually started to sypathise with her... and agreed with some of the things she said about abandonment and being left by all those you care about.Then i later learned she had Borderline Personality Disorder. Then i got all freaked out thinking i was capable of killin' a whole bunch of men. I thought about it a little more and i realized that i haven't really been abandoned by everyone, i just FEEL like i have. She actually was abandoned.

I've been thinking about some of my old 'friends' from high school and middle school lately. We aren't friends any more...i hate them. I wish i didn't... they dont deserve any of my emotions directed towards them. These girls were the meanest most kiniving bitches i've ever met. They always blamed me for everything. They always yelled at me when i asked for help when i was in my wheel chair. I remember one time one of the girls wrote a petition saying that i need to go away to a different school because they were sick of me and my shit. A lot of people signed it. To be honest, i was a bitch at times. But i did not deserve that. I think what finally made me realize that i needed to distance myself from them was when we worked together. We watched kids after school and helped them with their homework and what not. They'd always leave and smoke pot, come back all stoned and what not. I had a hard time working with them. They never really worked... well. I thought everything was going well and fine. Till one day, this girl from the CLC corners me and is like "Hey do you know So and so?" and i said "Yeah, we work together" and this girl says "yeah, well she hates you and wants you to die. We smoked up this weekend and she told me all about you." Her and i had not talked outside of work for the longest time. They always told me that i was imature and a shit talker and fake... I grew up, i was 18 at the time, so were they and they were still being childish. That's when i said fuck 'em and moved on. They still sent me friend request me on facebook. I ended up blocking them.

Well, what worries me is that they heard about my stay at the hospital and are laughing about it. Maybe i'm paranoid. But news travels fast...they always told me i needed to be put away in the nut hut.

I just don't want them to think they were right.