Susan Kara

This weekend Julie, Lynette, Ethan and I are venturing to Rochester to see Amber and Jason to go garage sailing. It should be very fun!

I've been pretty down today. I think my Welbutrin is causing lots of anxiety. I couldn't make it to therapy today... long story. Needless to say, i'm not impressed with the actions of others. I'm trying so hard to get better.... I can't be the support system for someone else right now. I just can't handle it. There's a lot more to life than a clean house and i wish people realized that. When the day comes, you're gonna realize that you missed out on so much life and building relationships with your family because you were too busy cleaning.... Nothing is ever good enough so we just gave up trying. What's the point of doing something when nothing is ever good enough and you never get a thank you? I don't know about you, but i like having a little positive reinforcement: a thank you. I can't strive to impress anyone, it's a waste of my energy and time. I'm gonna live my life, it's a shame other people can't do that.

Everyone is capable of change. You just have to try. I can't get better in this living situation. There's too much negativity, too many demands, to many pointless hours trying to make people understand where i am coming from. There's no point saying anything any more if no one is listening. I'm very unhappy, i was doing great, i had hope...until 2 weeks ago.

Shit has to change. I'm doing as much as i can to teach everyone else about what i need to get better. And it was going great. Now, it's back to the way it was before i went to the hospital.

I'm not ok. I don't want to go back to the hospital because i don't feel like i need it.