You see, Erik came over today and we found a tiny little deer tick INSIDE his ear. It was in so deep it took 3 people and well over 25 minutes to get it out. I'm not kidding. We cooked 2 pizzas in the time that it took to get it out.
Now, i feel like i'm crawling with ticks.
This is pretty rational, seeing as how i've had lyme's disease 2 times. I've also read that it never goes away and you're always gonna suffer from it in some way. I don't want it again!
The dogs were in my room, naturally they are crawling with ticks. I had to bar them from my room. Obi, Bizkit and Sally are all sitting outside my door waiting to get in. I can't go to the bathroom, once i open the door they will all run in and jump on my bed. I've stripped my bed 2 times looking for ticks. I've gotten naked a few times to check my body for them.
Everything i learned in DBT isn't working. I even had to refer to my book to try to calm myself. Nothing. So, in the end i've decided to take a few benadryl. It has calmed me down a LOT. And it's making me somewhat drowsy. I'm hoping for a decent sleep tonight. Probably isn't going to happen, realistically because the paranoia will not go away till i shower. And i can't do that because the dogs are out there. This is incredibly frustrating.
This is definately not the worst i've ever been. This is pretty mild compared to how i would get before. My medication helps a lot. I'm pretty thankful for it.
I've also noticed i'm trying really hard to prove to everyone that i'm ok, just so they will shut the hell up with the negative comments about how i'm slipping, or about how i'm lying when i say that i'm ok or that i can't handle something. I wouldn't have to prove anything to anyone if i didn't have a conversation with a woman on the phone (who i've never even met!), she asked how i was doing. I told her i was 'ok'. I was OK. I wasn't good, i wasn't bad. Then i hear someone say "don't lie, you're not ok!". Great.
So, that's what has probably triggered my downfall the past day or two. I've already said something to them about it, but it still bugs the shit out of me. I can't help but feel that everyone is ganging up on me telling me i'm not well. Tim, Vickie...other family members.
How the hell am i suposed to get better if everyone else around me thinks i'm 'slipping' or i can't handle things...speak FOR me when i'm asked a question.
On a side note, my jeans are too loose for me to wear. I think i'm gonna start wearing a size lower. Dig them out of the back of my closet. Those $70 jeans i haven't worn in over a year.
A few more pounds and i'll be able to fit into my prom dress from junior year.
Speaking of prom, here's me and my friend tyler today at grand march.
And here is me and Erik with our fake teeth. it was a lot of fun, up until about 11 last night when i got all paranoid about his damn deer tick and his ear.
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